Apple Pie: HBD Papa :)

I was supposed to post this a long time ago. Since my dad had his birthday last july, this post is already long overdue. I don't know. I never got around to finally doing this until now. :)

So I had plans of making an apple pie for the first time as an extra treat for my Dad and our family on his birthday.haha :)
I browsed the internet and compiled the recipes I thought I could use.
I mainly got so much help from www.joyofbaking.com and I even had my laptop at the kitchen table for the process.haha :)

this is my signature rushed-done-secretly-inside-the-room birthday banner :)

So I spent the whole sunday afternoon making the pie and I finished near 7pm already. Finished as in it was finished cooking in the oven :)

Here were the basic ingredients.

sliced apples with sago and cinnamon mixture. egg, flour, butter and the drained apple juice that contains the yummy cinnamon mix. It has been hard waiting for the apples to finish draining but while that was happening, I was kneading my homemade pie crust since it was refrigerated from last night.

Off to the lined pie pan. I made some blunders here but none critical.haha :)

The center part was not cut perfectly and I also ended up removing the aluminum foil at the sides after few minutes of baking in the oven.

all done :)

only regrets: I shouldn't have sliced the apples too thin and I should have refrigerated it first for some time before serving :)

they liked it though and that is what matters :)

One down: POSH pocket shoes

I made a wishlist a few days ago and I'm happy to strike one wish off that list.
Today, I finally received my very first POSH pocket shoe :)

 I was using the PC this afternoon when suddenly, a man came calling "tao po, tao po". Ms. Charise went out to see who it was and I half expected it was the guy from LBC. haha. JOY and excitement was all I felt as Ms. Charise came back inside holding an LBC package for me. I jumped from too much joy.haha :) I took pictures to serve as visual documentation of how I opened and gratified my excitement.haha :)

Here it is from the LBC pack, to the blue bag inside to the plastic encased pouch where I would finally be meeting the shoe later on. OA much? naahhhh. Im just too happy. I love the feeling of receiving good packages in the mail :)

I immediately liked them. The fit was good and the design was uber cute and classy :). They come folded in an expandable pouch so that you can carry them on in your purse to save your feet from the burden of wearing heels :)

The insoles were soft and the sole was thick enough.

If you plan to buy one, measure your foot bare and be sure to leave a little allowance. They come fast in the mail after you have settled your payment.

I'll be sure to buy another pair in another style soon :)

I'm a lover of ballerina flats or any round toe flat shoes. I rarely-never wear heels but I bought some of these for their chic and cool designs :)

POSH pocket Shoes.

foldable flats.

:) 

if you wish to have one, you can view their site here

NYX round lipsticks

NYX cosmetics are gaining massive popularity over the internet nowadays. One of their most famous and raved about products are their round lipsticks which I think comes in at 144 shades (creatively named).

I figured I should give them a try since there were good reviews and they come of cheap (for a US brand). Reviews talked about the creamy texture, the easy glide experience,the dashing colors and the price.

I was never fond of lipsticks. Safe to say, I was and still will be a lipgloss person. haha. I tried this brand for kicks and I took my time choosing the color/shade that I would get.

Since I was buying online, I had to canvass for prices and I stumbled upon Digital Traincase on Multiply Marketplace. They sold these lipsticks at 150 php :)

I looked for a reddish but not too red shade and a neutral to nude one and from the pictures, I decided on NYX Apollo and NYX Pumpkin Pie. My orders came to me a day after I paid and they came of in a good condition but I wondered why they did not come with a protective plastic seal since most cosmetics came that way..anyway, they didn't seem tampered at all. :)

Apollo came in this shimmery orange and red shade which I doubted at first but was satisfied enough when I placed it on. Pumpkin pie was a little light, for a very subtle look.  Usually, I place Maybelline Shineessentials gloss over to make the color appear better. I also put lipbalm on before the lipstick but this makes the shade lighter as I have noticed. I tried using Chapstick with it and the result was bad. The lip color stained my teeth at times. I tried using it with Lip Smackers Vanilla Ice and it turned out quite well.

NYX round lipsticks are "just ok" for me. I don't like the scent or smell too much but its not a biggie. I am still a lipgloss person but I'd continue using these ones :)

Seems like I went back to my online shopping craziness ;p

void.

there is nothing that could sooth my feelings tonight better than sad and mellow songs. These are the times when I hear and understand the lyrics as most significant. I remember the times when every sad song seemed to reach deep inside me just because at some point, I could relate. I got pass that stage and when I did, the songs which brought me so much tears seemed ordinary. It was the tune I was listening to, not the lyrics anymore.

Now, I am back to the lyrics.

Happy songs are happy but at some point, they can't fill the void that I feel. Maybe because I'm hearing something that is completely the opposite of what I feel, no appeal comes across.

It is sometimes good, to relate to something especially when you are hurting. Somehow, the void becomes more vague and I don't feel as empty in one part as I do.

at these kind of times i need a sounding board --someone who could listen to my woes and every bit of the feeling I can't help but repeat and repeat saying. This time, I chose to keep quiet. I chose to close my mouth rather than disclose all the details to another person. Yes I can get some comfort from hearing biased comments and attention but I learned better than bad mouth a person who made me feel like this.

It seems like history is repeating itself. People can say a lot of things, waiting for my reaction, anticipating their satisfaction. haha. Who says I'll be like that again? Go on, say what you have to say. I might get hurt but I won't let you know. This time around, I'll carry my head higher and refuse to give in to your tattles of negativity, indirect and unsaid words of smirking insults.

You know that I am weak but you may have overestimated that weakness. Someday, you will see your words get stepped on. Again, you don't know everything, so why should you speak as if you do and laugh about it?

This void becomes heavier. With only one person comes a whole lot of others who add careless weight. He may have had no intentions to hurt me at all but I know that you, because of him would want to see me down, crying and retracting my words.

I have one thing to say: thank you for hurting me. no sarcasm intended. thank you indeed for making me feel like this and making me realize that I have to fight for myself and thanks for reminding me that despite being easily affected by what others say, I should not take them all in and put my thoughts second.

back to the sad songs. I am sad. yes I am. I hope one of these days, I find closure. I hope it comes to me and I hope things between me and someone would get better even if better meant being away for too long or forever from each other.

I don't want to be mad at you anymore. I know you want the same thing. I know we both want to remove the bitterness of the situation, be thankful for the memories and perhaps end things with a hug, a smile and a wave goodbye. I may be assuming by saying that you want this too. I don't know. Just that, for me, I do.

they, and some others may mean more to you I know, but I mean at least something to you right? and I am not tantamount to nothing to you right? right?

Wish list:)

Sometimes, you just want to buy a lot of things and sometimes, you can't even think of anything you want when others ask you what.

At this moment, some things rattle and rage in my head and since I can't get them all at once, I am making a wish list. This is the first time that I will do this :)

If only I had the luxury of the chaebol families (Korean ;p) or those of princesses, all I wanted (material things) would be closer to me than I think; even if I did not move so many muscles. haha

Simple and affordable things I know I can buy, but not all at once :)
Saving money is still more important.

WISHLIST*

in a random order, at the surface of my mind now are

1. POSH Pocket shoes

I only knew about this yesterday and I was immediately captivated. As I love ballet flats, I was itching to get a pair and more of these ultra chic shoe products. They are your emergency and non-emergency (haha) flats and they come with an expandable bag. So excited to get one. I definitely will in my next paycheck :)

Wo xi huan Pink bridals ;)

2. The long time want: TOMS cordones

Ever since I've known about these shoes (upon seeing and feeling the fame of the Alpargata style), I hoped to someday have a pair or more of their Cordones. I even went to Manila to find the design and color that I wanted but I failed. So on my wishlist are these two lovely ones.

3. Bronzer

The Body Shop

Cover Girl and L'Oreal :)

4. Longchamp Le Pliage Tote bag

I see people with this bag all the time. I thought to myself that it was just an ordinary looking tote bag until there came a time when my eyes saw them as totally cool and chic already. I haven't decided on the color yet but I like the Le Pliage Long handle collection. I would want an authentic one but seeing as it is too pricey for me at this time, I would settle (for now) for a class AAA one :) haha

5. Stylish and casual belt

yep, I know everybody needs one :)

6. Naked / Barely there eye shadow palette :)

I know this is quite expensive. I like it but I am open to more affordable choices as I am not a make-up addict, I just want some good quality essentials like such :)

7. BB Cream

image from cabyness.blogspot.com

Addicted and can't wait to have one. After how many times of net research about this product and the brands that make it to the table, I narrowed my choices to Faceshop, Skin79 and Dr. Jart :)

8. Bottoms

Harem Trousers

Stylish denim shorts :)

9. A new dress :)

image from lindemanweddings.blogspot.com

10. Casual messenger bag

yes. I want one. :)

11. A smart phone

HTC Desire HD or HTC sensation. I really like an HTC phone

Samsung Galaxy S2

Been wanting one since forever but I feel I will get gratified with this not now but in the future

--------------------

the list can go as long but these are what tops my head right now :)

Over material things, I still would choose those stuff that money-- no matter how much, can't even buy or borrow :)

a lot.

going through a lot right now.

I am humbled down to my knees and I rely on God and prayer.

I need to be strong.

even if I feel I am at my weakest and even if a million tears already came out of my eyes (without a feeling of enough), I need to brave the day and stand still facing and against the challenge.

events have come all at once but maybe each of them happening has a big role to play.

I cannot own up to my weaknesses just because I must not be vulnerable even though I already am.

and  though  it feels like I am holding my own hand in these times, God will never leave me alone

I hope nothing bad or serious comes up from the test.

I will be ok :) they will be ok. we will be ok :)

untitled.

most of the time, i cry inside the room but there were isolated  moments where I could not hold it in and I ended up crying

inside the hospital chapel before I go for case presentation

at the road while I tried so hard to hide it yet people still noticed

walking home and entering the door

inside the taxi.

mall cr

local fastfood and restauarant

and just moments ago

inside the bathroom where I even came close to kneeling.

pooooffff.

not enough.

I love my family.

I love mama & papa

I love my brother

I love my relatives

I wish and pray that 

they will all be alright

:)

lots of hugs

&

a careful memory

from all that it was to all that it is right now

careful memories are kept.

they may bring joy, may bring pain

depending on what you feel,

changing them would be impossible already.

do you remember how you felt back then? how much have changed now?

tell me one thing that has been reduced, one thing that has increased and one thing that has gone.

Like how we filled our stomachs, how has hearts been filled?

Was it filled with fear of rejection and doing nothing or was it filled with gratefulness and joy?

from this to that. from excitement to comfortable. from making an effort to becoming too comfortable. from priority to being obliged. from a real want to trying to want.

being barely there, barely hanging, half empty, struggling, slipping away, going down the drain, going and remembering.

you almost always let it pass.

other things were greater and much more fitting to keep in mind

never mind what I feel.

Parents and Love

yah, you don't always get along
sometimes they annoy you too much
When you were at the hype with your friends, they are the least you think about

you get so cranky because school is much better than being at home
You are embarrassed by some things that they do

and most often than not, you take them for granted even unconsciously.

those stuff are really bad
but despite hurting them real bad, they couldn't help but love you still, more and more each day...even more than themselves.

I just feel too bad about myself sometimes
I hurt my parents
I hurt the people who love me the most

But I love them so so so much too
There is nothing that I would want more than them being ok, happy and healthy.
ignore me, I would give up mine for any of them.

I love them so so much and I hope that despite my lack of expression, they feel that.

I just burst with my love for them and I am so hurt right now that they are not ok.

I hope they can get better together, be healthier and happier in life and of course have a longer life.

I know it would be unbearable if one of them is gone and I don't want to think about that.  I would just have to pray for them every single day and every single moment I get to do so.

they have done and given so much for me.
they may not say that they love me in words but I feel the depths of the love they have for us. I cry because of that. I would want nothing bad to happen to them.

because it seems like I can't stress it enough, but I really really love them to bits.

I don't know where I'll be and where I would pick up myself if they are not there.

take everything away, take me away just not them.

please help us through these tough times Lord. Let it not mean anything negative and please safeguard them. Help our family grow stronger and healthier please. thank you :)

the biggest thing

So this night was such a heavy one. my parents fought.

I know my mom can say some nasty words sometimes and they were both stressed about it.

My dad was not feeling well. his arms were feeling a little numb so he asked me to get his blood pressure. it was skyrocketing. and the fuss started about that.

there are a lot about them that floats in my mind.

Im writing this just to get it out. I have no one to talk to about it this time and I know of no one who could understand. hai.

money.

I feel so bad for my family right now.
down in the dumps.
and i hate myself.

there is nothing bigger to me than my family and my parents and God of of course. I constantly pray to God to make them safe and alright.

When they fight and say nasty things about each other or when they are physically challenged by health (i will break down), when I feel the gap and the aura around them that they will never be that super duper ok with each other already I am totally lost down to my last sense.

it hurts a lot.
I don't want to lose any of them.
I hope they are ok and their health will be ok.
I am so frustrated with myself that I can't even do something for them
but I love them so much.
my life is nothing, meaningless, frail and futile without any of them.

and i am so hurt right now.
I don't understand what I feel but I hope nothing more than them to be ok. each and together.
I hope our family will be better and nothing bad happens to us and to them.

Lord please hear me out.

maybe I don't realize that I'm posting this publicly.
but they are what matters the most to me.

and in saying that, I hope for their welfare and happiness above all.
I love them so so much.

please take these negative thoughts off my mind. hai.

more than myself

I remember that day.
walking home late at night and not being able to control my tears.
I felt so bad that those tears kept forcing out of my eyes.

The moment I walked in the door, you saw me crying and I knew that you knew the gravity of my sadness.

Unlike the other times, I can pretend as if nothing is wrong -- but that night was an exception so I told you all about it.

The person who made me feel like that, you never saw her the same way.

Now, even if those feelings eased up a lot, you still can't see her the same way.
To me, its all alright now but to you, the person was still a person who hurt your daughter.

Its all ok to me now but you transcended that feeling and you never forgot how hurt you saw me that day. Maybe you got hurt more than I did.

weheartit.com

I know I wanted you to be ok on that issue now but greater than that, I appreciate your reaction because it only told me one thing -----

You loved me even and so much more than I do myself.
You did not even need to say that you do.
I got the message--bluntly and without doubts.

these are the moments when I truly believe and feel that love is a great thing.

I love you mama and papa :)

undisclosed

I will blog a dear friend, in relatedness.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I pressed the backspace button too many times already. It seems that none of my words tonight fit with each other.

(got caught in a block, spaced out, don't know what to write)

Here is a letter.

"I am sorry if I have to do this. The pain is taking its toll on me. Everyday, I carry this pain in my heart and it is really weighing down on me.  I don't have the ability to set it aside and feel better so now,  I am giving it all up. I have said too much already and from what happened, those words seemed useless. they were just carried away by the wind.  the moment after you knew what I had to say, the wind took them away. I thought that making it so obvious, laying it all infront of you would make you anything but clueless. I thought wrong. So now I should be silent in the hopes that in that silence, you maybe able to listen to me better. Silence serves its purpose not only for that matter. Silence to me is preserving myself even if silence is a difficult and hurtful thing to me as well. All I want to do now is cry, it seems to be the most comfortable thing to do but I know crying won't save me from the pain. With each tear, I must move one foot forward.one after another. I should not stay in one corner and dry my eyes out. We all have a choice and my choice is to preserve myself and quit getting disappointed and feeling bad everyday. Clueless as you maybe, I know you are not stupid. Its all a matter of perspective. Know that my going away is an action of intolerance and exhaustion from all the things that are hanging, those I hoped would have been fixed. By your unwillingness and irate suppression and ignorance, each day has been a weight on my shoulders and you kept adding and adding until I can't bear no more. If only you took time to see whats wrong and not try so hard to ignore the problem just to feel ok, you know that I would still be there. You tried to be ok to be productive in other areas so you chose to ignore our problems and go by as if nothing of them existed. you may deny that but that is exactly what it is. You failed to see the gravity and seriousness of how bad I felt. You were not strong enough to face problems, you never really wanted to fix them because if you did, you would have faced the problems first instead of trying to be ok. Safe to say, you only live for happy moments, pretending to be happy and suppressing the problems as hard as you can. You were never strong enough to face them so I chose to go instead of staying and smiling like nothing is wrong. I just can't take smiling when deep inside, its hurt that I'm feeling. I'm not like you, I can't maim my problems unless they're fixed completely. I'm really sorry."

vintage

I think I am already vintage -- in his eyes and in his heart.

You know how people get that extraordinary feeling from anything or anyone new ---

I do not bring that feeling to a person anymore.

the chase is over.

Like how someone would drop off other people he is with just because he got a call from someone he likes--

that was before

Dropping a call from a girl just because he is with others--

that is now

and for how long that will last--

i just don't know.

Literally, people would consider this petty.

do you think I am speaking literally?

well no.

Am I requiring you to read between the lines?

No.

I am asking you to do BOTH.

if that is even possible.

which I know,

is.

A girl is not an absolution. You won't always feel nice with her especially when she is not shiny and unreachable anymore.

---

to the minds who are going haywire, speculating about what this might have been because of,

I have all the right to say that

well I'm sorry, but you're wrong--

downright.

Project Runway season 06

I always catch replays of this season. I've seen replays of one episode too many times already but still, I did not have a chance to catch the finale on TV and I was curious as ever as to who the winner was (I didn't want to search it out).. well that is the case-- until tonight.

Here are the finalists. Althea, Irina and Carol Hannah.

Personally, I was rooting for Carol Hannah but I still was impressed by how intricate and polished Irina's looks were always presented and I continually admired Althea for her fabulous  translation of street and casual fashion to high-end runway looks.

I think they are the best finalists of Project Runway and compared to other shows (like the The Fashion Show: The Ultimate Collection), Project Runway was a tad more of a feast  to the eyes.. sophistication that utterly seems absent in other shows of the same nature :) hehe ;p

So I have finally watched the finale.

after so long of hunting it in our own big screen

haha :)

and a very catchy thought from Ms. Althea,

"I may not be 'THE' winner but I am still 'A' winner"

bravo.

Puppets

After finishing a class tonight, the better thing to do was go out of my room and eat dinner, after all, its past dinner time already and I still did not have mine.
Unfortunately, somewhere in my mind, there was this burning need to write this before I eat, for no clear reason at all.. maybe for a "just because" one.

Today, I woke up really early with an aching head. I tried to sleep again but I think I ended up winning against insomnia at 12:00 pm already. I woke up at 4 pm, went out of bed to the sound of my brother threatening my stationery collection. took a bath and ate a snack.

a pretty rough and bum day for Ms. Paola.

I cried today. I felt like I found what I want to do. Like an answered prayer, my heart soared a bit. I hope I get the energy to pursue that though and not get lazy again from too much thinking. (too much thinking involves the great fear and physical as well as financial constraints). aja paye!

"do not take too long to think or else your courage will wilt" -- a useful thought from Dream High Season 1 :)

and then here is the nagging thought about the venture that I am quite queasy at the same time excited to start. I feel like I am on my own here. Something tells me that I should pursue it for my own good, be it successful or not in the end.

"I thank all the people who said No for if it wasn't because of them, I couldn't have done it myself" --- Albert Einstein. (really a tumbling dose of inspiration for a person who is challenged on her/his own)

I am a scaredy cat.. I need a huge ounce of courage. If it were a medication, Id be sure to get shots of it no matter what the cost. :)

and then this message came

 "Hay. Im sori. Naiinis aq sa sarli mnsan. Andun kc ung thot na wen wer together wer ok. Kya nwawala sa icp q ung prblem. Kaya pa2ng pa2ng. Hay. nakakapanghnayang tau. Pero prang ang hrap n ibalik. Cgro nga. And u are meant 2 b wd sum1 else dn. Gudnyt"

---ok so I published it. another heart wrenching moment here. You know how a girl wants a man who can fight for her?, I guess by this message, this person isn't it. would you think so? These are the times when you ask yourself "what is so great about love anyway?"

You think about a lot of things including "maybe I am not worth it" even though you want to be worth the fighting. Or you think of "maybe we are not worth it", "maybe what we have is not worth saving". It is a matter of perspective isn't it?

When you reach a point where a man who said he loves you now says "you are meant to be with someone else", you can only guess that maybe, just maybe, something has already died or wilted deep inside. The addicting chase where all that mattered was you see her or be with her comes down to the point where setting her aside seemed a little bit comfortable already. Is that what you call going down the drain?--- I ask myself again, "what is so great about love anyway?"

I wanted to write about all the blame, all that I feel, all of my qualms and all of everything that I want to get across but maybe I have said them enough already. Saying them in a public blog post would not give justice but would only add insult to the injury.

I only have one point, I believe that fighting for a woman should be an endless process. When it is endless, maybe you can say, You've found a man worth fighting for also. I know everybody wants to feel that they are worth fighting for but I also know that life won't always give us that sweet satisfaction. So often than not, people choose to give up and more often than not, giving up (in some cases) is the best decision. Again, it is all a matter of perspective.

Let us just give it to Life. We are all players anyway--in life and love. We don't know all the rules and most importantly, we start without the goal of winning for it is in the hardest moments only that we realize the game we got ourselves into.

Puppets--puppets with an endless desire to be free, that is what we are. Life has the strings--no matter what we do, it still catches up.

Random Pictures :)

 Some snapshots taken from my phone, randomly, to preserve a casual memory that normally goes unremembered :)

celebrating life ;]
A simple bliss --a feast for the interested and a good, refreshing air of nostalgia for those who know.

with Lovely Mae Arellano @ SOLIBAO Heritage Mansion

CTEISI days. the first time I ate at this branch of Solibao. We were desperately craving for shawarma and since its Solibao and its a cross away from where we were, we decided to have lunch here. No shawarma, sadly ;( sosy version ng Solibao daw kasi.

First meal at HODORI with Rijel Andrei Sotalbo

Always fun to eat at a new restaurant. Being that I love Asian food, I really enjoyed this place. Came back here with a couple of friends for how many times already :)

Amazing Light show at the Grand Reunion of 

UCS-PUI

My dad's Alma mater :)

It first started as a dinner event from where we saw the past and current students at the said school. We had fun at this grand, (really grand) event. Full of Chinese People. This trip is really something. Family adventure :]

San Fabian

PTA Beach Resort

:)

with Family loves :)

Used to go here often as a family when we were still kids. I reckon this was where my first swimming experience happened. It was also where my most successful attempts at adult swimming commenced.haha :) I love this trip to bits. It was total bliss [cant stress it enough] I love my Family to bits :) :) :)

Happy 21st Birthday

to me :)

My meal (L) and the ever iconic chicharon (R)

;]

Its true that when you get older, your birthday celebrations become simpler.haha. I reflect back on those days when I was still a child and almost all of the whole clan were feasting at home. ---birthday parties :)

Anyway, thanks to those who made my birthdays extra special :)

Breakfast at Angeline's :)

One of our sleepover bondings at Ms. Pati's apartment :) haha.

I miss those times.

I miss E2

I miss college :)

Figer's Pancit Canton, Bird's Nest soup, Freshly sliced bananas and Vanilla Energen (my first taste) haha :]

Dean & Baron. Kids I adore :)

Curly hair and perky spirits. They always say that a kid brightens up the room---TRUE.

always extra fun at home when they are around. We all need a kid in our lives, not necessarily our own children though--too young, way too young for that :)

SPENCER :)

Too cute a puppy, still adorable as a full grown dog :)

Love this doggie to bits. 

instant joy. pulls heartstrings. this fluffy brown and white thing.

He came to us through a gesture of love and sharing, -- a family thing ;]

My desk/station at my Med Trans OJT days :)

&my Snitch Choco bar addiction :)

I had some of the worst and best moments in my MT life here, in front of this unit.haha. It has been the witness of my improving skill in Homekey typing.

I started having ZERO skill and ended up leaving it with a typing speed of 64 wpm :)

Tim Horton French Vanilla From Canada :)

a heavenly cup of instant coffee. YUM to the MAX.

did not even had palpitations.

Always a nice food time @ Vizcos

this time, Rijel made me starve while waiting. the worst part, he even ate before meeting me and we were supposed to have lunch. Lunch at 3 pm and I was hungry starting 11 am. GAWD. crazy. OH well. Its good food. FOOD!!!@

The very first time I curled my own hair and the first time I watched a movie in the cinema alone-- My Amnesia Girl :)

haha. A crazy experience, watching the movie alone and hiding from the person next to you (why, of all seats??!) just so you won't be recognized and asked "bakit mag isa ka lang?"...really, those curls came in handy at those moments. the cinema was even jam packed. Enjoyed the movie and started curling my own hair from that day on.haha ;]

Part 2 soon :)

still off to a million rants :)

GOODNIGHT! 

.xoxo.

PS. I love my family to bits and bits.

(just wanted to say) :))