undisclosed

I will blog a dear friend, in relatedness.

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I pressed the backspace button too many times already. It seems that none of my words tonight fit with each other.

(got caught in a block, spaced out, don't know what to write)

Here is a letter.

"I am sorry if I have to do this. The pain is taking its toll on me. Everyday, I carry this pain in my heart and it is really weighing down on me.  I don't have the ability to set it aside and feel better so now,  I am giving it all up. I have said too much already and from what happened, those words seemed useless. they were just carried away by the wind.  the moment after you knew what I had to say, the wind took them away. I thought that making it so obvious, laying it all infront of you would make you anything but clueless. I thought wrong. So now I should be silent in the hopes that in that silence, you maybe able to listen to me better. Silence serves its purpose not only for that matter. Silence to me is preserving myself even if silence is a difficult and hurtful thing to me as well. All I want to do now is cry, it seems to be the most comfortable thing to do but I know crying won't save me from the pain. With each tear, I must move one foot forward.one after another. I should not stay in one corner and dry my eyes out. We all have a choice and my choice is to preserve myself and quit getting disappointed and feeling bad everyday. Clueless as you maybe, I know you are not stupid. Its all a matter of perspective. Know that my going away is an action of intolerance and exhaustion from all the things that are hanging, those I hoped would have been fixed. By your unwillingness and irate suppression and ignorance, each day has been a weight on my shoulders and you kept adding and adding until I can't bear no more. If only you took time to see whats wrong and not try so hard to ignore the problem just to feel ok, you know that I would still be there. You tried to be ok to be productive in other areas so you chose to ignore our problems and go by as if nothing of them existed. you may deny that but that is exactly what it is. You failed to see the gravity and seriousness of how bad I felt. You were not strong enough to face problems, you never really wanted to fix them because if you did, you would have faced the problems first instead of trying to be ok. Safe to say, you only live for happy moments, pretending to be happy and suppressing the problems as hard as you can. You were never strong enough to face them so I chose to go instead of staying and smiling like nothing is wrong. I just can't take smiling when deep inside, its hurt that I'm feeling. I'm not like you, I can't maim my problems unless they're fixed completely. I'm really sorry."