if you love red and you absolutely love Saturdays, you will also love RED SATURDAYS.
RED SATURDAYS coming very very soon :)
Monday, October 31
RED SATURDAYS
who doesn't love the color RED? and who doesn't love SATURDAYS?
if you love red and you absolutely love Saturdays, you will also love RED SATURDAYS.
RED SATURDAYS coming very very soon :)
if you love red and you absolutely love Saturdays, you will also love RED SATURDAYS.
RED SATURDAYS coming very very soon :)
Friday, October 14
Because I Miss you--Heartstrings OST :)
got it from youtube.
got addicted to this song after I watched this Korean drama.
a very meaningful song indeed.
no need for words, this song says it all. :)
#inrelatedness.
I remember Chuck from Gossip Girl, crying on his own at the knowledge that the girl he loves, the girl he chose to let go, is pregnant with the the child of the Prince of Monaco. and in the background, Gossip Girl says "a test of how much you can withstand".
btw. the sound of the song in this vid is a little off at the middle and towards the end.
the link of the shorter version with more meaningful lyrics is THIS ONE :)
I remember Chuck from Gossip Girl, crying on his own at the knowledge that the girl he loves, the girl he chose to let go, is pregnant with the the child of the Prince of Monaco. and in the background, Gossip Girl says "a test of how much you can withstand".
btw. the sound of the song in this vid is a little off at the middle and towards the end.
the link of the shorter version with more meaningful lyrics is THIS ONE :)
Thursday, October 13
untitled2
I wanted to say something but I think saying it would not do anything good.
keeping quiet sure does mean a lot of things but one sure thing about this silence is how bad I feel, how I do not want to be kept taken for granted and maybe a way for you to figure out if I really do matter.
maybe in my absence, you will realize how much my presence means to you
or maybe in my absence, you will realize that I don't meant much to you anymore and its easy to go by everyday without hearing from me.
The hurt from how you treated me was the driving force that made me kept my stand.
A useful advice was "huwag mo nalang hayaan" and I did. I won't tolerate the treatment you gave me.
Each time you would come into my thoughts, I would just think "He is already happy" and that stopped all my longings. Maybe its only what I think but a big part of my "cannot-be-ignored" intuition tells me that that its true.
I am not sure how my absence affected you but listening to your words in the past, you never let issues about me get in the way of your own happiness so I know you are perfectly doing fine and having fun with people who infect you with their happiness.
I am not sure but I know that my absence only proved one thing: It doesn't affect you that much which means to say, I don't matter as much as those things that you can't take being lost.
the thought of your happiness without me saves me from the remorse of being away from you. and I get by knowing that you took me for granted. It be denied, that is what you showed me and I presume that as true. I can't tolerate hanging as a background in someone else's life and that is exactly what you did to me.
how does it feel?
a. Everyday, I get used to the feeling that you are not around and day by day, it
becomes easier.
b. Masakit pero I can get by from the joy other people around me bring.
c. Masakit pero I will let it go. It's not like I need you to breathe anyway.
d. Masakit pero kaya ko. I refuse to do anything else to keep you anyway. I'm fine
with what I have. You are just one girl and there are a lot out there who will see
my worth.
--what ever answer you have to that question, I guess I will not know.--
but guess what? I am worth something too but you made it feel like I am not., so,..yeah.. *shrugs shoulders*
keeping quiet sure does mean a lot of things but one sure thing about this silence is how bad I feel, how I do not want to be kept taken for granted and maybe a way for you to figure out if I really do matter.
maybe in my absence, you will realize how much my presence means to you
or maybe in my absence, you will realize that I don't meant much to you anymore and its easy to go by everyday without hearing from me.
The hurt from how you treated me was the driving force that made me kept my stand.
A useful advice was "huwag mo nalang hayaan" and I did. I won't tolerate the treatment you gave me.
Each time you would come into my thoughts, I would just think "He is already happy" and that stopped all my longings. Maybe its only what I think but a big part of my "cannot-be-ignored" intuition tells me that that its true.
I am not sure how my absence affected you but listening to your words in the past, you never let issues about me get in the way of your own happiness so I know you are perfectly doing fine and having fun with people who infect you with their happiness.
I am not sure but I know that my absence only proved one thing: It doesn't affect you that much which means to say, I don't matter as much as those things that you can't take being lost.
the thought of your happiness without me saves me from the remorse of being away from you. and I get by knowing that you took me for granted. It be denied, that is what you showed me and I presume that as true. I can't tolerate hanging as a background in someone else's life and that is exactly what you did to me.
how does it feel?
a. Everyday, I get used to the feeling that you are not around and day by day, it
becomes easier.
b. Masakit pero I can get by from the joy other people around me bring.
c. Masakit pero I will let it go. It's not like I need you to breathe anyway.
d. Masakit pero kaya ko. I refuse to do anything else to keep you anyway. I'm fine
with what I have. You are just one girl and there are a lot out there who will see
my worth.
--what ever answer you have to that question, I guess I will not know.--
but guess what? I am worth something too but you made it feel like I am not., so,..yeah.. *shrugs shoulders*
Sunday, October 9
Saturday, October 8
i have to.
i really really have to write this.
If I could measure how much pissed and irritated I am at you, it would reach the heavens.
the way you twist my mind like this is insane.
the only way I could get out of this is accept and see you with another person.
that would be more fitting now, it fits the situation perfectly.
I am so pissed to my wits I can't do anything but cry.
if this was twitter, #patapon
what right did you have to make me feel like this?
happy now that I'm the first to crack?
well then I hope you bathe in satisfaction right now and get your ego swollen 100x more.
#done.
#masakitlang
If I could measure how much pissed and irritated I am at you, it would reach the heavens.
the way you twist my mind like this is insane.
the only way I could get out of this is accept and see you with another person.
that would be more fitting now, it fits the situation perfectly.
I am so pissed to my wits I can't do anything but cry.
if this was twitter, #patapon
what right did you have to make me feel like this?
happy now that I'm the first to crack?
well then I hope you bathe in satisfaction right now and get your ego swollen 100x more.
#done.
#masakitlang
she's still a little girl
Back when I started blogging at friendster, I always wrote about what I felt. I blogged mainly when I felt bad, when I felt that I needed to get something out. I was never a blogger that was interesting to those who are not interested in me or those who never even knew me. Its the posts that drive people in, not the blogger.
I always blogged when I felt hurt. All of my posts had something about someone, mostly a guy or a friend who made me feel bad. Direct statements are always perfectly concealed in words, only meaningful to the one who can get affected by it.
I blogged about the micro-heartbreaks I experienced. The most memorable one still hits me today. How I blogged about a person who was a big part of my life. I blogged that he made my life a living hell. When I wrote that, I never meant for it to sound so derisive. It was the word that captured what I felt at that time. A lot of people commented discretely on that and I always remember that. When I look back to the friendster blog I loved, I always remembered "living hell" and I just laugh at it now.
I am still a little girl. I never quite got out of the circle--the circle of blogging about my silly (or not) emotions. Is that considered immature or healthy? Is that immature or a personal choice? Should I even think about what other people say or think when they only bother to read a few sentences? haha ;p
tonight, If I cried infront of someone, would that someone realize the gravity of what he makes me feel? or does crying seem an everyday thing now that it even loses value? How bad do I feel anyway? Would you think that I would be able to write this if I felt happy? If you knew me, you would know that blogging is not as fun as it is unless I'm sad. Words wouldn't come out unless I feel something heavy. If I'm happy, I could only write a few words, nothing more. If I'm happy, I could stop easily, feeling that I squeezed myself out but If I'm sad, words would flow like an endless river and I have to consciously remind myself to stop or else even I would lose interest to read what I have wrote.
I have a weak mind at these times. I can divert but emotions still catch up. the pull of my feelings comes off stronger that the pull of my mind. It's my heart we are talking about here. In human science, you would know that your brain even controls your heart and I know many people are wishing that it was that easy to shut off emotions as it is to willfully stop breathing for a few seconds. *sigh*
Someone is messing with my head and he wasn't contented with that, he even made a mess of my feelings (not that I was hurt as badly as I was before when each breath seemed like a heave and I comforted myself in early morning walks just to feel the fresh air come against my face). I'm not making a bad person here. He must have had his reasons for doing these things. Reasons that can be known even at the surface of his mind or reasons he was never consciously aware of as his heart makes them.
what I feel now? it concerns my pride as woman, as a girl. Right now I feel like a girl held up by her hair, made to hang painfully, and easily let down with just a fist held loose.
Boys like to play with toys and even when they become men, toys would always be a part of the equation. Just like how girls loved playing dolls, boys also loved playing cars. Girls immerse themselves in a fantasy world with their dolls, thinking they are the dolls but boys played with cars like gods who could do anything they wanted to. There was always this one car that they fancied but as time passed by and they grew, the most fancied car would only remain on the shelf, bedside table, inside a box or anywhere, gathering dust. When they see this car again, what draws them is not the fancy feeling but the memories, just the memories. It doesn't matter so much now, he has bigger toys to play with. Whats shiny and new before is old and easily replaced now.
Jerks.
Love has different answers to a same question I never meant to ask. While one said "papatawarin kita kasi mahal kita" the other said "you'll probably never see me again" . I am not making comparisons. The statements just gained permanent residence in my head ever since I first heard them.
(segway lang)
what I really wanted to write was only this:
"Even a man who could never even imagine cheating on a girl he loves can cheat, even a man who could never imagine being cheated on can easily cheat, even a man who says "I love you" can commit the biggest sin while saying so, even a man who is unlikely to cheat can cheat and even a man who swore never to cheat could not resist when the moment is already there and he needs a new person to take him on an adventure, even a man who regretted cheating, who got punished for cheating gives no guarantee that he will never do so again, even a man who was always there for you could hurt and betray you in ways (big or small) you never expected." Can you blame me for saying those? NO one yet changed my perception. Even if guys didn't cheat,they would always love to flirt others. close minded? nahhh, just broken trust. For people who had their trust broken that way, I think you would understand.
I always blogged when I felt hurt. All of my posts had something about someone, mostly a guy or a friend who made me feel bad. Direct statements are always perfectly concealed in words, only meaningful to the one who can get affected by it.
I blogged about the micro-heartbreaks I experienced. The most memorable one still hits me today. How I blogged about a person who was a big part of my life. I blogged that he made my life a living hell. When I wrote that, I never meant for it to sound so derisive. It was the word that captured what I felt at that time. A lot of people commented discretely on that and I always remember that. When I look back to the friendster blog I loved, I always remembered "living hell" and I just laugh at it now.
I am still a little girl. I never quite got out of the circle--the circle of blogging about my silly (or not) emotions. Is that considered immature or healthy? Is that immature or a personal choice? Should I even think about what other people say or think when they only bother to read a few sentences? haha ;p
tonight, If I cried infront of someone, would that someone realize the gravity of what he makes me feel? or does crying seem an everyday thing now that it even loses value? How bad do I feel anyway? Would you think that I would be able to write this if I felt happy? If you knew me, you would know that blogging is not as fun as it is unless I'm sad. Words wouldn't come out unless I feel something heavy. If I'm happy, I could only write a few words, nothing more. If I'm happy, I could stop easily, feeling that I squeezed myself out but If I'm sad, words would flow like an endless river and I have to consciously remind myself to stop or else even I would lose interest to read what I have wrote.
I have a weak mind at these times. I can divert but emotions still catch up. the pull of my feelings comes off stronger that the pull of my mind. It's my heart we are talking about here. In human science, you would know that your brain even controls your heart and I know many people are wishing that it was that easy to shut off emotions as it is to willfully stop breathing for a few seconds. *sigh*
Someone is messing with my head and he wasn't contented with that, he even made a mess of my feelings (not that I was hurt as badly as I was before when each breath seemed like a heave and I comforted myself in early morning walks just to feel the fresh air come against my face). I'm not making a bad person here. He must have had his reasons for doing these things. Reasons that can be known even at the surface of his mind or reasons he was never consciously aware of as his heart makes them.
what I feel now? it concerns my pride as woman, as a girl. Right now I feel like a girl held up by her hair, made to hang painfully, and easily let down with just a fist held loose.
Boys like to play with toys and even when they become men, toys would always be a part of the equation. Just like how girls loved playing dolls, boys also loved playing cars. Girls immerse themselves in a fantasy world with their dolls, thinking they are the dolls but boys played with cars like gods who could do anything they wanted to. There was always this one car that they fancied but as time passed by and they grew, the most fancied car would only remain on the shelf, bedside table, inside a box or anywhere, gathering dust. When they see this car again, what draws them is not the fancy feeling but the memories, just the memories. It doesn't matter so much now, he has bigger toys to play with. Whats shiny and new before is old and easily replaced now.
Jerks.
 |
| sabaw! |
Love has different answers to a same question I never meant to ask. While one said "papatawarin kita kasi mahal kita" the other said "you'll probably never see me again" . I am not making comparisons. The statements just gained permanent residence in my head ever since I first heard them.
(segway lang)
what I really wanted to write was only this:
"Even a man who could never even imagine cheating on a girl he loves can cheat, even a man who could never imagine being cheated on can easily cheat, even a man who says "I love you" can commit the biggest sin while saying so, even a man who is unlikely to cheat can cheat and even a man who swore never to cheat could not resist when the moment is already there and he needs a new person to take him on an adventure, even a man who regretted cheating, who got punished for cheating gives no guarantee that he will never do so again, even a man who was always there for you could hurt and betray you in ways (big or small) you never expected." Can you blame me for saying those? NO one yet changed my perception. Even if guys didn't cheat,they would always love to flirt others. close minded? nahhh, just broken trust. For people who had their trust broken that way, I think you would understand.
keep looking. As with matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. --steve jobs.
keep looking.
*a very deep sigh*
Friday, October 7
cognitively unknown.
The passing of Steve Jobs has been a momentous event all over the world.
For people who were not able to finish college, he was and still is an outstanding example that formal education is not everything.
I first heard or known of Steve Jobs when I was searching for a desktop wallpaper and I saw this one where there was his quote and a caricature of him wearing boxers with his iconic black turtleneck. I was captured by the quote that I didn't mind having a cartoon man in boxers appearing before my eyes everytime I use my laptop. haha :)
I had this wallpaper on for some time and I never thought of searching his name out despite having some curiosities. Then came the news about his resignation from the CEO post at Apple. That news was plastered everywhere. That was the only time I knew who he was and how big a person he is. His name resounded as clever and iconic in my ears ever since.
Came one day, I opened the PC, went to google and saw this "Steve Jobs 1955-2011" and I was like "ano??!!". I could not believe my eyes and I was really shocked. I immediately went to yahoo to catch the latest stream of news and there it was, articles and images confirming my questioning and shocked senses.
It was in his passing that I came to know more about him and how much inspiration he brought to the world. He was this college drop-out visionary who changed people's lives through the technology he loved to develop and developed to be loved. I was never an Apple product user as it was not so accessible to me. I dreamed of having my own blue colored iMac as a child. It was a dream that was never realized. I dreamed of having my own iPod until that dream vanished. I had my own dreams of having apple products but I never really knew the person behind all those innovations. Even the small "i" before words became so famous it could literally be placed before any word. :)
cognitively unknown: I was deeply saddened at the passing of this man who I never knew, whose products I never had, whose words I did not oftenly hear and whose life was just recently known to me. I found his speech at Stanford University. I patiently listened though I never really needed patience since listening was a joy to my heart and his words were like medicine that addressed my questioning mind and emotions. Closing my eyes at one point, I felt that his words resonated better. I can't put it in words how I felt while listening. All I can say is that, his words spoke sense I did not expect to hear, after all, I just clicked the link to that video to satisfy my urge of hearing what this famous man had to say.
I was moved and I felt that. It might have been cognitively unknown why tears instantly pour out of my eyes each time I hear what he had to say but I have guesses why. It maybe that God used him to reach out to people and spread God's message to others that living is not all about questions. I think Steve Jobs may have been an answer to prayers. A tool the Lord carefully used to tell His children to live their own lives and use their hearts.
enigmatic. Steve Jobs is enigmatic.
God's creations are.
'like an awful tasting medicine but the patient really needed it'--stevejobs
For people who were not able to finish college, he was and still is an outstanding example that formal education is not everything.
I first heard or known of Steve Jobs when I was searching for a desktop wallpaper and I saw this one where there was his quote and a caricature of him wearing boxers with his iconic black turtleneck. I was captured by the quote that I didn't mind having a cartoon man in boxers appearing before my eyes everytime I use my laptop. haha :)
I had this wallpaper on for some time and I never thought of searching his name out despite having some curiosities. Then came the news about his resignation from the CEO post at Apple. That news was plastered everywhere. That was the only time I knew who he was and how big a person he is. His name resounded as clever and iconic in my ears ever since.
Came one day, I opened the PC, went to google and saw this "Steve Jobs 1955-2011" and I was like "ano??!!". I could not believe my eyes and I was really shocked. I immediately went to yahoo to catch the latest stream of news and there it was, articles and images confirming my questioning and shocked senses.
It was in his passing that I came to know more about him and how much inspiration he brought to the world. He was this college drop-out visionary who changed people's lives through the technology he loved to develop and developed to be loved. I was never an Apple product user as it was not so accessible to me. I dreamed of having my own blue colored iMac as a child. It was a dream that was never realized. I dreamed of having my own iPod until that dream vanished. I had my own dreams of having apple products but I never really knew the person behind all those innovations. Even the small "i" before words became so famous it could literally be placed before any word. :)
cognitively unknown: I was deeply saddened at the passing of this man who I never knew, whose products I never had, whose words I did not oftenly hear and whose life was just recently known to me. I found his speech at Stanford University. I patiently listened though I never really needed patience since listening was a joy to my heart and his words were like medicine that addressed my questioning mind and emotions. Closing my eyes at one point, I felt that his words resonated better. I can't put it in words how I felt while listening. All I can say is that, his words spoke sense I did not expect to hear, after all, I just clicked the link to that video to satisfy my urge of hearing what this famous man had to say.
I was moved and I felt that. It might have been cognitively unknown why tears instantly pour out of my eyes each time I hear what he had to say but I have guesses why. It maybe that God used him to reach out to people and spread God's message to others that living is not all about questions. I think Steve Jobs may have been an answer to prayers. A tool the Lord carefully used to tell His children to live their own lives and use their hearts.
enigmatic. Steve Jobs is enigmatic.
God's creations are.
'like an awful tasting medicine but the patient really needed it'--stevejobs
Thursday, October 6
Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com
Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com
full of useful and inspirational wisdom. You ask yourself if how on earth did one man come to so much. He must've been so blessed.
God used him as an instrument to inspire other people to live.
I think he served his purpose well. I may not have known him even a bit or may not have had any of his genious creations but he made me cry and made my heart soar.
God's creations are magnificent, indeed :)
Wednesday, October 5
the unfinished final tribute
So I was rushing this. I was rushing to finish this that I even sacrificed sleep. I was not able to finish everything that I planned to do though.
I was supposed to give this but second thoughts prevented me from doing so.
I made an effort and I want that to be felt so it may serve its purpose--whatever that maybe.
I did not and will not give it but I will show it for reasons I am not aware of but for reasons vaguely known to my heart.
A lot of things have happened and this is the final tribute. I have no more plans of finishing it. It will be forever undone, just like how a big memory of someone will forever be to me.
there is what we call 'something borrowed', 'something new' and 'something nice'.
this time, it will be 'something undone and unfinished'.
Pictures are worth a thousand words. Words I may have said over and over again--words written but will never be read.
And all I can say are these words : sorry, thanks, if only.
I was supposed to give this but second thoughts prevented me from doing so.
I made an effort and I want that to be felt so it may serve its purpose--whatever that maybe.
I did not and will not give it but I will show it for reasons I am not aware of but for reasons vaguely known to my heart.
A lot of things have happened and this is the final tribute. I have no more plans of finishing it. It will be forever undone, just like how a big memory of someone will forever be to me.
there is what we call 'something borrowed', 'something new' and 'something nice'.
this time, it will be 'something undone and unfinished'.
Pictures are worth a thousand words. Words I may have said over and over again--words written but will never be read.
And all I can say are these words : sorry, thanks, if only.
-
-
a thousand words
kept in paper
would grow old and brittle
in time.
Sunday, October 2
irked
I don't know why this person is ok with making me feel pathetic about myself.
I know I have to leave something so that I can't forfeit my chance of feeling better, happier and not taken for granted :)
I know I have to leave something so that I can't forfeit my chance of feeling better, happier and not taken for granted :)
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