love

I have never immersed myself in this feeling. If it was an island, I could have visited it but not stayed long to fully understand and know it's most precious essence. I am a nomad--hopping around, bouncing around with no guts to stay long at one place. Having not known that island much does not make me unintelligible about it though. I am not stone hearted, cold and indifferent. Maybe I have seen the other part of the island, the one that others have not been too. I must have come from another way.

Despite being cynical about love, in my heart, I still believe in it's beauty. I do not understand that feeling. All of the years that passed since I have been introduced to romantic love was full of complications and negativity (or maybe I was not strong enough). The good feelings were merely fleeting, like it has gone away before I could even grasp it. I have all this thoughts about love. That if you love someone, this is how you should act, what you should do. I know most of them are true but maybe some of them exist only in my fantasies or in my ideal world. Tangible proof is important for me and like some people I know, words are not enough.

Love saves, love heals, love empowers, love moves mountains. I KNOW. More than that, I also know that love hurts, love kills, love separates, love fades, love is confusing, love is overrated, love is most of the times unreal. I am rather negative. There are two sides of love and I am more inclined in the negative one. Maybe it has something to do with the way I think or maybe, I have yet to experience being happy in love for me to  think otherwise. When I see people that look happy and in love, it is a feeling that I can't seem to adequately comprehend. I for one have not yet been there, I think.

Still, I am hopeful. I feel pathetic when I think of this. I don't want to wallow up in my disappointments. I don't feel any strong frustration anyway. Its not like I am desperate or totally desolate. Maybe it's just about the right balance of cynicism, belief and hope. I don't want to preoccupy myself in waiting anymore. haha. Waiting of all sorts, not just on the most obvious one.

When I was in first year highschool, my bestfriend and I had a misunderstanding. At that time, she was the type of person who ignores you and sets you aside when she is upset. Well, we became better with the lyrics of the song "I'd rather". I printed out the song lyrics and I brought it to school. We became ok. Up to now, that song has managed to sneak its way to my mind and no matter how I find it overrated at times, I cannot deny the fact that the song brought me more wisdom and standard. Reading between the lines, I found a simple definition of love there.

I thought sometime alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that

--staying together hurts as much as being apart, but then,--

I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

--Time would usually help you realize what love is and when you do, maybe you'll tell yourself,--

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart

--I find it really sensible how the truest form of love would choose hardships with the person rather than not having and not being with the person at all--

With the frail and imperfect make-up of people, naturally, words are too easy to say. Maybe it takes more than a man to act out the many words that envelope our life.. to bring life to it outside the confines of thought and stereotypical cowardliness. 

Until then, I will visit the love island again and hope to be happy. I know that everyone, despite being scarred and broken too many times, have not yet totally, as in absolutely, given up.

images from www.weheartit.com :)