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why is it that the more I say about myself, the more I feel vulnerable. stripped of something, left bare, piece by piece.

and when I dont speak, I just feel like I am about to explode.

Is it just me? me who is afraid of someone agreeing to the pathetic image I have of myself and my current situation? Or is it just something in me yearning for a person who could truly understand me that although he/she speaks less in words, there is a bridge of understanding that comes of as real and genuine comfort.

good words are sometimes shallow, more often, empty and spoken out of the capability to comprehend without thinking just because communication is already more than an every second thing.

wonderful how the brain functions.
without heart, it still loses.

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tears are falling.
for the second consecutive night but for a completely different reason.

its just, despite the people around me now, the people who say they care, I feel like I have no one to talk to.
someone who would take my thoughts seriously and let it show.
someone who really listens and not just responds casually.

just someone.
someone come please.

HOLIDAYS.1 !

I love holidays.
I love the merriment and I love doing holiday effort. :)
I even get pissed at how today's world seem a little more busy to decorate and pay attention to holiday preparations less.
bummer that one!
So I try my best to go effort the most that I can and I don't mind spending money for the holidays even though I only have a little money to spend.haha
guilty me! I lost a big part of my savings due to holiday expenses.
ALL WORTH IT THOUGH! :)

...and because holidays are tantamount to FAMILY bonding, here are some pictures taken with the people I love the most! :)

CHRISTMAS 2011

full effort greeting. This was all made from scratch.

Excuse our cluttered bookshelves! :)

star studded ceiling! :)

Our Christmas tree clad with Christmas presents :)

Me and My mom decorated that tree. Dear we even

spent hefty buying some new decos. haha :)

Me and Rijel at our first "simbang gabi" way back during the year 2011.

like 2011 was too long ago. ha! :)

Rijel looks skinnier here.haha :)

Famed PAROL during the Midnight Mass at Baguio Cathedral :)

Family loves! :)

Celebrating Jesus' Birthday.

I so love the people in this picture! :)

A simple Christmas feast for our family of four!

hehe ;p

This is the reason why we have Christmas! :)

Thank You so much Papa Jesus! :)

Another family picture! :)

Christmas presents with a teeny tiny spotlight

on the presents I am giving away.

full effort in looking and wrapping! :)

notice the red ribbon and brown paper theme?

yep, I made them all! haha ;p

Thank You for a wonderful Christmas

and thank you Lord for all the blessings!

May you shower our family with more blessings! :)

more holiday pictures to come! :)

love,

Manila Trip 2011

HOW I MISS THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY FEELING!

I missed Christmas as I decided to catch up on my self-imposed back log and post about the December Christmas Shopping Trip at Manila :)

I am a resident of Baguio City and given the distance and some other limitations, I don't get to go to the Metro often. I always wanted to roam around there, gawking in "newbie amazement" at places and things I am not used to seeing and being in.

Given that, this manila trip was something to cherish most especially the fact that Rijel and I only commuted and we hold our time in our hands, NO PRESSURE! haha ;p

We kept it simple, staying close to what Rijel knows and what our digital maps can give us. LOL! Asking for directions was kinda not my thing and so, Rijel was my compass the whole time. :)

To Rijel, thank you for your patience as I know, I get cranky, unstable and wasted under hot weather and seemingly unlimited bodily sweat!

so here are some snapshots! :)

to be continued!

random: a sleepy night's take on blogging.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HAPPY 2012!

Well,  we all hope that this year would be a good one, a great and superb one.

As for me, I wish the same but with a little something extra (by extra I mean big deal!)

I want to have a clear path, an enlightened and decisive mind and a courageous heart as to where my career is heading. For now, I still consider myself lost and of no clear directions so far.

More than that, there is nothing I would want more than LONG LIFE, GOOD HEALTH, PROTECTION AND HEALING, of course HAPPINESS  for my family and loved ones. Nothing more than that could matter  more to me -- a self confessed sensitive family member. LOL! :)

Well,I hope this year could be a lot better than 2011 was ;)

I have my fingers crossed on this and Dear Lord I hope you bless these wishes, hopes, prayers and aspirations to reality as you please :)

How did our new year celebration go?

HAPPY. I was laughing and I enjoyed the fact that despite firecracker bans in our city, the new year merriment was still a loud one with a multitude of firecrackers.

Talk about a quiet new year that even the oldies would hate. I personally (& I say this in a non-offensive way) think that officials pro on the firecracker ban are a little bit KJ. haha ;p. Firecracker accidents are a result of malfunctions, individual carelessness, pride and hard headedness anyway.

Nothing beats celebrating the holidays with your family :) :)

disappointment?

--Well I kinda wanted new shoes for the holidays. I was so excited to have new POSHIES for Christmas so I ordered. I patiently waited for order confirmations but none came. I still kept my hopes up since the first transaction I had with posh pocket shoes was good and the shoe quality was well, superb!. I waited, resent my orders and texted but still, no confirmations came. SAD. I was wishing to open their holiday gift box on Christmas eve and planning to wear the shoes while welcoming the new year but to no avail, my plan did not actualize even if I sent my orders early on and repeated them with high hopes.  Gawd disappointment. I still would want their products though.  Product quality comes a long way talaga and it is what keeps clients pursuing despite some rough patches with the service. Upholding some optimism, I shall try to order again with a happy face. haha.

DECEMBER WAS SUCH A MONTH OF BLISS AND IT WAS CAPPED OFF WITH THE MOST ANTICIPATED AND CELEBRATED FAMILY AND FAITH HOLIDAY! :)

the thing I really wanted to rant about was Brahm's lullaby and Pasta. well what about them you may ask--nothing really but some crazy pop up ideas and unexpected thought turnovers that occurred to me while I was at some place or while I was doing other stuff, completely and partially unrelated and related--in some sense. :)

* Brahms Lullaby

--- Rijel Andrei J. Sotalbo gave me this player where preinstalled (by him) tracks were present. I came across this lullaby introduction to an upbeat Christmas Song while I was skimming through  a one-early-morning-sitting-in-the-couch moment. Once it reached my ears, this sleepy feeling came over me and really silly (I know) but that is the only moment I realized that the song does really calm you down to sleep. I initially (for quite a long period of time) thought that it was just well advertised, overrated and a product of media mind-conditioning tactics :) hehe.

I love the lullaby now. It has eased the unsure insomniac in me. :)

* Pasta.

--- Well I love pasta. I love eating pasta and I love tasting and discovering new ones or different versions of classic ones on different pasta places! I love making pasta too. My love for making (by making, I mean cooking) pasta was preceded though by my fascination on eating them. 

--- Yesterday afternoon, I ate pasta at one of the local places in Baguio City, CUCININO @ Porta Vaga Mall. I consider me and my friends a regular there since we love the place and we kept coming back. It has a chic, adorable and classy overall feel  with affordable foods and beverages.  And this thought hit me (not in a total conscious way since I was preoccupied with something else at that moment) that I should have my own, individual PASTA CHALLENGE. Not an eating challenge but a cooking challenge. I would have no opponents since this self challenge is just an i-dont-know-but-its-kinda-exciting thing to do. I will aim to cook different pasta sauces, and post those creations here, in my "speck of dust" blog. In the end, I would also aim to make my own pasta, from scratch! I am excited and I feel giddy even if I know doing this is just for my own delight. I pledge to make this pasta challenge happen!

oh and yeah, I haven't told anybody about this yet-- I just blogged about it.haha. It would be a tiny little secret confined in this tiny space. haha :)

--- Of course I thought about expenses. I would just try to fit the ingredients in a budget and do my best to avoid failing as what I make could land on our dinner table too. :) sponsors are welcome! haha. Will think of a list of to-do pastas in the coming days :). Wish me luck! :)

*

Will update on my self-set blog backlog and will do posts on Christmas, New Year, Gifts, Manila Trip and some random memories, all for the sake of my cyber diary.haha ;p

Cheers!,